2/21/24; feeling tired and sore — low spoon day.

I'm so sick and tired of antisemitism; scrolling through the #jumblr tag on Tumblr isn't even an escape from it. Antisemitism, twistedly, fuels me to convert faster. The more I see Jewish hatred the more I realize that I'm making the right decision, unsure why, but my soul is Jewish and I'm making that conversion one day regardless if people hate me or not.

I don't understand Nazis; I was taught about the Shoah/Holocaust in school, and from what I remember (our memory is poor) it seemed historians wanted others to almost empathize with Nazis and their cause. Giving some German Nazi soldiers a back story for us to apparently weep. When I watched about the shoah on the projector pull down screen I always felt so scared; rightfully so any young gentile probably would, but it for some reason resonated in my head & stomach more.

Trying to gain the courage to reach out to a Rabbi at a time like this is hard; I was surprised when my parents didn't care for me wanting to convert. It's somehow just as shocking to hear them spit antisemetic bullshit, although as I've been in and out of communities I've noticed a lot of gentiles (us included at the time) don't know jack shit about what antisemitism nor what Judaism is. It's fucking astounding; I'd genuinely want Jewish history taught along side the teaching of the Shoah, it'd hopefully get through others' thick heads that Jewish people aren't fucking dead and will never die.

→